True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
