Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want nice things and good sex
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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