Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
