This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
