apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
