No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
