And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
