Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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