I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How drunk are you?
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