i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize