I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
