i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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