I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
