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BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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