she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
