Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
