Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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