she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
