and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
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When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"