He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
