ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
