oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
