Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
