I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
