the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize