Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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