haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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