I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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