I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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