when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
