Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
