Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
