She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
