Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
