My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
