Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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