your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
