So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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