Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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