maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
