i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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