It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
