Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
