Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
