So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
