I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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