How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize