Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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