did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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