Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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