we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
