Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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