So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have tasted many bathrooms
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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