Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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