Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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