I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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