oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
