im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize