He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
