you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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