Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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