I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize