I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
