Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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