Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
