Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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