I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
