she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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