i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize