dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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