I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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