I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
