Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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